Originally Posted by
ersatzmatriarch 
hi all...
i've been sober almost 3.5 months now. and i've spent almost 3.5 months away from my family every night to be in AA meetings... and it's eating me alive.
i'm an atheist... been using the universe as my hp, which has been ok. crossing out all the 'gods' in my books is fine (just uses a lot of ink), but the overbearing god-thumping in meetings is making me angry. so are all the slogans... i feel like there's no room in my head for me with all the 'easy does it' and 'keep coming back' things banging around in my thoughts all the bloody time.
mostly though, i'm just feeling that if sobriety requires me to leave my family every night to go sit with people who have been sitting in these rooms every night for years, hearing the same things, cringing at every prayer... i just feel like that's not the way for me to live sober.
it's frustrating to the point that i almost got booze last night... if this is what sober living is, why bother?
i need to find a better, more authentic way for me to do this. giving up family dinners and never getting to read bedtime stories to my kids is just absolutely not okay for me anymore.
there has to be another way. so i'm here asking for help. please help me find a better way...
thank you.
The idea of giving up on whatever equates to quality of life for you - whatever that may mean at the time - is a bad idea. There is absolutely no reason except by justification to be so frustrated with your progress that returning to drinking looks more and more like an option.
Without getting into the mechanics and merits of one way over another, I suggest you come to terms with how very important and essential are the freedoms that are yours to enjoy along with your sober living lifestyle choices.
Choices define us in ways that simply thinking about whatever doesn't. When we make choices we become responsible to those same choices whether we like it or not. Re-defining your choices so as to achieve the kind of sober life style you want is the best way I can suggest to ease your crisis. There are many ways forward. There is no requirement for any of us to be cookie-cutter replicas of each other.
Awesome going on your reaching out for a better way for YOU!!
