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Old 09-03-2013, 07:13 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
NWGRITS
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by zoelu View Post
Thanks, everyone, for your replies and letting me vent. Things have been pretty quiet around here since my post... I keep bouncing back and forth between feeling anger, guilt, denial, and just general sadness. It's like being in a perpetual grief cycle. I feel numb. I remember the pieces of her that are maternal and loving, and then I break down. I know that I will likely never see that side of her on a consistent basis- and I have day dreamed about going no-contact more times than I can count. It would be better for me (and my fiance)- and I am fortunate in that I am very close to his family. God forbid we have any children in the near future; I can't subject them to this kind of behavior.
I'm so glad you have the forethought to consider how children would fit into this. I nearly lost my kids to CPS for something my AM did. That was when I went No Contact. I haven't talked to her in 14 months, and I can honestly say I don't miss that craziness one bit. I thought it would be really hard, but it was actually easy. It's amazing how quickly one can adjust to peace and serenity! Granted, I still struggle daily with my rampant ACOA-ness, but she is no longer fueling a raging fire. I can focus on myself without even thinking about her. Some of my family is even getting on board with detachment/No Contact. I never thought I'd see the day that I wouldn't be the black sheep who is just completely crazy and my AM is FINE. God, I hate that word.
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