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Old 09-02-2013, 08:23 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
My first husband was not an alcoholic, but he was not very capable of understanding other people's feelings, including our 2 children. He would do what worked for him, and when it didn't work for him, he didn't do it. I divorced him because there was no there, there.

I felt bad, and tried to cover for him thinking my children would be so hurt if they knew he hadn't gotten them a good birthday present, or whatever it was. But, now, with them grown, I realize it would have been better if I hadn't interjected myself into their relationship with their father. The truth was that he often failed to meet their needs, and whether they could articulate it or not, they knew that. My trying to "make it better" just confused them - - they knew what they knew, but I wasn't corroborating it, and then they didn't know if what they sensed was true or not.

Shakespeare wrote "true compassion is ruthless", and I think it is best to call it as it is. The truth is that he did let them down, and that was their gut reaction and intuition. Better that they suffer the disappointment that is happening and learn to deal with it than doubt the truth of what they know.

ShootingStar1
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