New Avatar
Well the time has come to change my avatar and my daughter (whose dad is an addict) made this one for me. My old one of was of hands breaking ropes and in the early days I thought the ropes were on my XA and he was (of course) going to break the bonds of addiction!
5 years later (2 years broken up with the A) it turns out that the ropes were on my hands and I was bound and addicted to the alcoholic insanity and need to "rescue"... I was sicker than he was.
I believed that Faith and Hope (hence Hopeworks) patience, love would win the war and we would live happily ever after! I believed that our HP (we shared the same belief system and faith) was ordering our steps and that a blissful victorious lifetime was ahead for us...once alcoholism was whipped for good.
But there was an elephant in the room.... and that was the disease, the booze he loved more than me, more than life itself. He could walk, talk recovery and even stay sober for 6 to 8 months but the relapse was just a ticking time bomb away.
It took years for me to accept it completely but he loved the booze more than me... than his kids... his mother and sadly, his life as his health is in serious jeopardy.
So... the final chapter is upon us. I changed my phone number because the incessant quacking and lies simply became too much and recovery became too strong within me to allow the manipulation and insane telephone conversations to continue. Like the scene in Titanic I had to let go of the one I loved to either drown or fight like @$#@ to get back to the surface. He knows how to be sober, live sober, what real recovery is and he simply insn't interested... he only wants others to support his drunken lifestyle of gambling and who knows what else in Vegas.
So... now my Avatar simply says "Shut the Duck Up!" and the peace and quiet is deafening...however both welcome and pleasant.
As for my XA... he is in my prayers and I always have an offer on the table to pay for a bus ride to rehab... no cash for active alcoholics. And his source is NOT me it is his HP and his own willingness to do whatever it takes. And that comes from within his heart, his mind, his will...
It's been a long, long, long road but looking back I needed the journey... it was my own way out because all along... I truly was sicker than he was! Now I am well, happy, joyous and FREE and you can be too... if you are willing to do whatever it takes...
Peace my friends.. and thank you for the MANY voices on this wonderful site that put up with my Pollyanna self so very long ago....You were right all along.