I understand LB. At times I can't help to wish others could find what we have found. The peace and serenity. Whether they use AA or not. I know that AA is not the only way, it is just my way.
I think the hard part for me is that for some, they do not realize they are suffering. I never thought I was. I lived that way for so long that thinking there was another way had never occurred to me.
When I went to AA nine years ago I did not see any of what I see now. I did not see the laughter or the joy. I did not see the steps as a way out not only for my present but my past. I did not even think about surrender or a HP. I never felt gratitude for the program and all the men and woman that are a part of it. Not even once. I don't think I was consciously fighting it at the time.
What made me keep my BB all those years is a mystery to me. I had a lot of the books but they all got water damage when the basement leaked in a place I was renting. When I found them all damaged I was not even sad. The BB only survived because I had a leather cover on it. A cover I bought because I had made it three months and I was cocky. So I placed it in my cedar chest. Throwing it out with the others just felt wrong.
I have been told by many that it was not my time. I can't help but to think that is true. The promises clearly state...Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. When people see me they may think I got it quickly. They have told me so. They have told me that they can see sobriety working though me and the promises are coming true for me. What many do not see is the "slowly". I suffered for nine more years. I think that is fairly slow but they did materialize. I may not have been working them but the fact that I kept that BB tells me that my HP was doing for me what I could not do for myself.
You said you wish that you could share the indescribable feelings that you have now. You just did and I am sure you do at meetings as well. If by you sharing you have helped even one person then you are doing what you can do. The only other thing we can do is to pray for them.