I can only speak for myself. The reasons I've behaved in a similar fashion is because I'm an alcoholic who can't control my drinking. Moreover, I'm an alcoholic who time and again tried to convince myself that I could control my drinking. The mental obsession to drink was overwhelming.
Once I admitted deep down inside that I was an alcoholic who couldn't control my drinking, the obsessions diminished quite a bit, and so far I've been able to not drink. But I must remind myself everyday that I'm simply unable to drink.
I'm not promoting AA, but you may want to read the AA basic text, chapters 2 & 3. If you see yourself in those descriptions you are probably an alcoholic. Even if you never step into an AA meeting, I believe those two chapters can help you (and others) decide if you are an alcoholic.
Now get to work on that script and leave the vodka bottle alone
