Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I waffle between the two. It's hard to know when or if you should start taking a wall or two down, if you can let down your guard and trust your gut. Honestly, it feels different right now. I know, I know, it sounds cliche or like I'm living on a different planet here but really he does seem more aware of his actions and behaviors and he's been an active participant in the family for the past 3-4 weeks now. It's been one of the longest stretches of positive I've seen for quite some time.
jmho. I do not see the conflict.
WHAT YOU ARE DOING is Working? You are doing better. He is (at least appears to be) doing better.
LOT to Love In That. Why mess with what is working? Keep your boundaries up.
You follow I am NOT telling to go make nice and friendly?
Keep working on you. When you/we/me are doing that we hardly care what is going on "over there."
You/we/me cannot get better by watching "them."
===============
True Story. When I had to take my daughter to Alateen, I had to go next door to the Open AA meeting. No parents allowed in Alateen. But there was a window wall with blinds that if I sat in an off-side back row of the AA meeting room -- I could peek through the blinds and check on my daughter. Got away with that for the first two weeks.
Third week, I came in, put my hat in "my chair" and went to get some coffee. When I came back, my hat was moved up a row and that entire back row was filled with AA guys, all sitting cross-armed, and joking with each other.
I looked at a guy named K.
HUGE Guy -- Ex military and I would chat with him after the meetings.
I mumbled something lame like "I usually sit back there, and watch my daughter."
All K said to me was -- "Control Much?"
I said -- "I guess not." and sat down where they moved my hat and actually paid attention and learned a lot that meeting.
Now I sit in the very front row. My friendgirl Meth-Beth has been chairing all this month and I am sorry to see August coming to a close.
Have not seen K in a couple of months and pray he is doing well.
==================
My question to you is the same as K’s to me -- "Control Much?"
Let AH work His program and You work Yours.