It amazes me how I read all of the wonderful information provided about how NOT to act when my AH has hurt or betrayed himself (and me I feel) when drinking has gotten the best of him, but I successfully reacted to last night's binge by yelling and criticizing his behavour once again. I know it is childish of me to try to make him feel the hurt I am feeling and it obviously exacerbates the situation,but how does one rise above such peevishness?????
Watching him on his road to recovery is painful enough, but then I add my fury which only fuels the already temped fire.
We actually had several good days in a row, and had very frank discussions about what causes his drinking and what keeps him from drinking.
And of course he had to bring up that though I am not to blame, but that I certainly do feed into his desire to drink when I react and when my temper gets the best of me.
Strength can be difficult to find when one's heart is breaking and crumbling, but its not an excuse to spew cruelty at someone I claim to love so deeply.
I see him trying to make appropriate efforts toward sobriety, but my lack of patience continues to get the best of me...especially when he slips up.
I decided to keep to myself for most of the day and to give us some space so I could cool off, do some reading, play some x-box, but even that eventually turned sour and my pride decided to outshine my inner wisdom.
Never very proud of myself when I can't let things go, but also tired of the repeating cycles that seem to yield little change.
Does it ever change?????
Am I just being way too impatient with his recovery?????
Any words of wisdom, as always, would be appreciated.
Thank you!
tina