Depending on the situation, when your boyfriend told you that you were being mean by recording his drunken fits, I might have said, "How does it feel?" But this kind of intervention may be too dangerous for you.
When someone doesn't feel safe in their own home, it's time for major changes, starting with you taking care of yourself.
“The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.” W. James