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Old 08-28-2013, 09:09 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
shayda951
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Tucson
Posts: 15
Spiderqueen: Our situations do sound similar. Even the time period of leaving! Thank you for your post and advice

nbay2013: Exactly what I had been through. Vodka and sleeping pills. That was before detox. Now he's changed his beverage of choice because he knows what the vodka did to him. He thinks energy drinks with alcohol will be better??? Ridiculous, completely disillusioned thinking.

daisydoc: I appreciate your POV. That's exactly how I feel. Take away the addiction, and there's an admittedly "scared little boy" trying to find a way to cope with the trauma he's had in his life. That is what concerns me. I do not feel right leaving a severely depressed, suicidal person alone to deal with all of it. He can't deal with it, which is why he turns to alcohol. Alcohol, in turn, makes it worse. He needs to be on the anti-depressants, but the alcohol actually counteracts the "feel good" effects of the anti-depressants and makes one MORE depressed then he would be if he were not on an anti-depressant! So the first issue at hand is to get RID of the alcohol, because he won't get any better as long as he is drinking. All of the advice I read is to leave and let him hit rock bottom. But his rock bottom is death. If he has no will to live, why would he choose to get better TO live. I'm at least glad he's doing SOMETHING, so maybe there is some hope in him. He's seeing the psychiatrist and the therapist and getting acupuncture. I've seen him try techniques the psychiatrist has given him. I guess it's a start.

So latest update: Not good. His therapist cancelled on him all last week due to personal issues (so he says) and he cancelled with her this week, although he said he rescheduled. He lives near my kids school and I drive by his house to get there. The day/time I knew he was supposed to be leaving for therapy, I saw his truck at his house. I dropped off the kids at home, supervised, and went over there. I was determined to get him to therapy. He completely lost it. It took awhile for him to answer the door and when he did, he blew up. He insulted me and screamed at me and told me I shouldn't care if he wants to die and to leave him alone. He hadn't even been drinking yet. I made the mistake of begging and trying to convince him otherwise. It just made me feel foolish and made him more angry. So I left. Haven't talked to him for 2 days, except for a brief text regarding the fact that my daughter called him and told him she missed him. 2 days before this, he was nice. He was at my house, sober, and I was getting dressed to go out. He asked where I was going and I told him the truth. I had decided to focus on me. I teach Pilates and one of my male students asked me if I wanted to go rock climbing. It sounded fun, so I accepted. Despite the fact that we are no longer together and he's made that clear, he flipped his lid. He was crushed. He even threw up several times right after I told him. I thought it may be a wake up call for him. It seemed to be, at first, as he could not believe I went on a "date", but then he grew angry. Regarding "getting better" he told me he was "getting there, but now you have a date". I'm afraid I made a bad decision in telling him. He told me I will now be "cut out of his life, like everyone else."

I told him if he needs me, I'm there, but that I have no choice but to move on. I told him I love him more than anything and I wish he would come to me one day and tell me the same and prove a commitment to getting better. But I can't put my life on hold anymore waiting for him to come around. I wrote him a note and left it at that for him to ponder. Although I know it means nothing in his poisoned brain. I guess the note was more for me to purge my feelings and emotions.

He's now alone. He will die or get better. But I wash my hands of it. If he texts me or calls, I will probably respond, but with absolutely no emotion. I still want him to know I'm there, but interaction has to be on my terms. It's SO hard to stay away, but I know for now I have to.
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