I am not sure how you deem someone an alcoholic, but I think my boyfriend is one and I am so lost and I need help.
I feel like I am the only person that cares about his drinking, and I think everyone else is too afraid to step in or doesn't believe it's as bad as it is.
My boyfriend and I have been together since December 2011, and I have always been aware of his drinking habits. He was in the military with little time to do anything else but drink and hang out with friends due to the time he got off work. I always accepted it because it seemed like it was just "what they did" .
during the period from Dec 2011 and Nov 2012 I think about 3 times I sensed he drank too much, but it's never been a problem until Dec 2012 to now Aug 2013.
His drinking has gotten progressively worse and he drinks more and more as time goes on, some nights it's 15 beers, sometimes it's 12 sometimes it's two bottles of wine and some beer, and sometimes he's rummaging around the kitchen looking for any drop of alcohol left.
He gets pretty emotional when he drinks, he yells, screams, breaks things, punches walls, and just gets nasty. Since we live together it's hard to get away. In our first apt it was hard because it was small, now we are in a bigger place and his computer room is at the opposite end of the apt from the bedroom so it helps keeps me feeling safe. Oh, and that's another thing, I get anxiety when he drinks. I get so angry because I am scared, my stomach starts to turn, much like tonight.
There have been times when he doesn't even remember what he does, what he says, and how much he drinks. I've had to record him to show him how he behaves, he thinks I do it to be mean, but I do it for the record. Sometimes I feel like having those videos will help me if I want to move on. If I listen to them they will remind me of why I want to leave. I have tried many times to leave but it's hard, it's hard for me to stay angry at him. We have been through so much. And I don't mean just negatively.
I have mentioned it to his family, but they seem to not want to respond. His family is close, yet at the same time they are Also a family that doesn't seem to know how to show affection or say I love you, and I think because his father was busy during his childhood with school, they don't know how to express themselves with each other.
I have talked to his sibling and they always tell me I should leave, that I shouldn't be treated like this. But I stay because I think with help he can change. But he needs more then me to help. I think if his father stepped in to say something, he would change, because he has high regard for his father. But his father won't, and his mother won't, and his siblings opinions don't matter to him. I feel so helpless, like I am dealing with something that no one who should care, has to deal with. I don't know what else to do, he has no friends where we live so i have no one else to ask, it's just me.
I am alone in this. I think his family doesn't know or want to believe how bad it is, they don't have to deal with it so its like it means nothing to them.
I have tried to think about why he drinks so much, he seems to drink a lot when he plays a computer game that makes his Anger skyrocket. He also drinks alone, I can't even drink around him because he gets mad if I don't drink fast enough and I feel guilty bringing Alcohol in the house when it does no good here. I have to go out to drink because it keeps me from him. It keeps me safe.
Usually when he is drunk he says all the things he would never say sober, he use to have a saying "drunken words are sober thoughts" and it kills me every time he does something while drunk cause I know it's true in his case. He tells me how he really feels about me, he points out my flaws, and mistakes. He does it so much that I began to think that I was his reason for drinking. I think I am part of the reason, because of stress. But I think other stresses make his drink as well. He uses it to cope. I think he stresses about life, his future, pleasing his father, and money. Money is a big issue as I had no job for quite a while. I wouldn't say we desperately needed money because he had it, but he spends most of it on computer parts and car parts, plus alcohol and games. He always mentioned money stresses and my unemployment when he was drunk so I think it was part of it. It wasn't the reason the argument started, but it always came up. Because we were constantly breaking up and I was always on the verge of leaving and because my only other living option was an hour Away, I always felt unsure of working in his area because of the distance I would drive if we broke up. It was almost like I was leaving every other week, we argued so much.
Most recently he fell down the stairs from what I believe, while drunk. He almost injured his hand from punching the wall many times, broke an old vintage gift from my grandmother by kicking it into the neighbors door, and he's busted the family heirloom headboard. I really wanted to work things out and this was the perfect time because he was gonna visit his family. I wanted to find a job while he was gone, focus on myself and he was suppose to stop gaming and stop drinking so much. Well he is back now, and back to drinking. I am so disappointed and he seems unsatisfied, of course, of my soon to be job. I think he's never satisfied with anything I do. Tonight he's drinking a 12 pack. He drank a six pack within an hour, left and bought another pack. He told me I was "so ******* annoying" and it's no wonder he gets mad. But him drunk, is like everyone walking on egg shells around him. He is so easy to anger. His friend that came to visit, knows first hand.
I am so disappointed because we were suppose to be bettering our relationship. He was suppose to stop drinking so much (he had about 3 weeks or more to try and ease up) but he's right back to it. It's the source of all our problems And I held up my end.... I don't know who to talk to, what to say, or what to do. My future it unclear because I have been dealing with this for so long.
This is my first time on a forum... It feels strange but I'm desperate. I don't know where to turn anymore, it's draining me mentally and physically.