Oh Florence!! Hugs to you! Yes, grief sucks...and it takes so damn long too. And it feels as if the sadness will never end.
Hate it!!! I am so sorry it's grabbed you today---holidays and birthdays are rough. We have our romantic fantasies, don't we?
I think part of recovery is learning to feel it and still be good to ourselves through even the most despairing feelings. It is hard sometimes to continue doing our recovery behaviors as we shepherd ourselves through our fears and continue doing the next right thing. We want some glitter and rainbows and so it's hard to appreciate ourselves for the courage we have. We *have* to keep picking up that frying pan and battle our desire to escape and give up, because it takes time for our circumstances to reflect the profound changes we are pushing ourselves through!!!
Love to you and your kids....