In light of this new information I would like to change my answer. It is starting to sound like you are surrounded by toxic people. I thought he agreed to father a child. If you find what he did as a "deal breaker" that would sound just about right to me. Are you talking about your mom? I am the oldest and the rules are completely different for me than my younger siblings. It screws them up more than it does me. I just chalk it up to more of the same. Maybe you do need to remove yourself from the situation.