You sound a lot like I did last winter. For what it's worth, I went to addiction therapy for a while, and negative self-talk was a big part of our discussions. I'd say things like "nobody will help me" when in fact I'd only asked one person. I'd say "I'm terrified to live this life", but in reality there was no horrific shiver down my spine when I bought yogurt at the supermarket. I was beating myself up, bashing my self esteem and questioning my life decisions every minute of the day! How healthy was that? Not very!
You are also talking pretty negative about yourself, just like others said Sasha. When the person you see in the mirror is your biggest critic and worst enemy, you're going to have a tough time. And I know it's not easy to fix - hell I've been there and it's a real dark place. And it took some serious change in thinking to see daylight again! Maybe talking to someone, a professional, will help you sort this out?
Also, is there a way you could maybe take a break from your daily routine? Have a trusted family member look after your daughter for a couple days? You live in a beautiful part of the world, you could drive to the ocean and have a cup of tea, watch the sunset and simplify your life a bit. A small break can be healthy! Some time alone with nature, some time to "turn off" that constant nagging in your head. Sometimes it's so nice to just appreciate being alive, smell the air, and settle down for some nice quiet time. I hope you can take some time to heal yourself, your talk is getting so dark, that's not like you. Maybe get lost in a good book? Maybe watch a funny movie? Anything to just take your mind off your issues - and just NOT THINK so hard about everything for a while. It may be useful.