Hi Sasha,
Coming in a bit late on this thread but I just want to chime in - I have so much compassion for you right now! I hurt for you because I have been in a relationship very much like yours with young children involved (his not mine but we had custody and I did truly love those girls although it was SO hard) and it was just really a dark time in my life overall. I didn't have the courage to leave either, for the same reasons, so don't feel bad about the current living situation you find yourself in; many people are stuck in the same type of hell due to the current economy and whatnot. For me it was isolating too, I felt like a horrible step-mom at times and my ex treated me like a total piece of trash because I was not able to stay sober and made less money than him due to being a student and part timer at my job. I did get sober but never lasted. I had no support from him other than the financial part. I wanted out but it seemed impossible... I don't know where I'm going with this except to say that MY biggest mistake was that I drank through it! You are NOT doing that so kiddos to you! You're so much stronger than you know.
You have been on here many times to support and encourage others. You are a very thoughtful, intelligent, lovely and strong woman! You WILL get out of this funk and out of this situation; it takes time but you can do it. I know money is a factor but just put a little bit away each month if you can (any amount is fine just so you start saving and have a plan) and eventually you will have a little nest egg with which to begin your escape! I would say don't tell the husband just start getting a plan in place and someday you can finally go to him and say "enough of your s**t - I'm out of here with my daughter!" and watch his jaw drop. He probably thinks you're not going to ever leave - prove him wrong! As long as you are taking SOME kind of action toward planning this I promise you will feel better.
We love you. Stay strong. It's ok to have bad days / weeks / months etc. - Sometimes what matters is what we DO not how we feel. I'm not saying your feelings are irrelevant just that there are circumstances that can only be made better by taking some baby steps in a new direction. I had to get away from me ex before I could start to heal some of my relationship wounds. I try to stay in touch with the kids. I wish I could have them with me. Parenting is such hard work but it is more rewarding than anything I've ever done! Your daughter has a wonderful mommy. Hug her tight today.
Regards,
Baby J.