Recovery is hard
Hi I have never used blog support system and would like to thank you for this support. I am a heroin addict. I have been clean for over seven years. I have joined this forum to seek support during my boyfriends recovery with methamphetamines.
I recently learned my boyfriend has been hiding an addiction to meth from me. The addiction itself did not start as a secret however after he relocated to another state (to be with me) I have been lead to believe he got clean.
Two days ago I learned he has been using nearly the whole time he has been here. As an addict myself I can accept why he kept it from me. I also believe that finally telling me is his first real attempt to get better.
I want to support him in every way possible. We love and understand one another and our communication has always been very good so when he finally broke and I learned his horrible secret we have been able to communicate about the lies and the pain etc. I have also done as much research as I can on how his withdrawal will go.
I need support now. All this addiction talk had me relive a lot of my drug days. Doing this in conjunction with researching his addiction has introduced a new pain. I can not for the life of me understand how his withdrawal would justify risking everything to continue use. Withdrawal from meth is all in the mind. I know it is extremely hard but having gone through the sweating, shitting, puking, bone aching, sleepless, hell of heroin withdrawal completely on my own I can not keep myself from thinking his should be a walk in the park. Addiction is not a place where I feel 'one upping' a person is at all productive so I have been keeping these feelings bottled up. I get its a matter of perspective and I was the one who made the choice to be addicted to heroin, he does not and will never understand that and its not a contest.
If anyone out there maybe has a similar experience or any advice I'm all ears. Heck I might just need the support of someone telling me its ok to have these feelings. Thanks anyone who has read this through.