dancingnow, having a good and considerate nature IS a beautiful thing. Never doubt that!
It is just that we co-dependents fail to take care of our own needs.
Alcoholics and narcissists know exactly where our sensitive buttons are and go directly for them when they want to hurt or blame us (to keep the spotlight off of them). Hell, they, often, are the ones who helped to install the buttons!
He is angry and he is quacking. Do not buy what he is selling.
You need to take of you--if you don't do that, you can never be happy--and you certainly will not be able to be your best self for anyone else, either. This especially applies for your children.
dandylion