I was watching that Craig Ferguson video again because someone posted it on this site - his famous monologue on Britney Spears and alcoholism. For one reason or another, probably because of his delivery, it really sticks with me. One of the things he said is especially important: "We don't have a
drinking problem, we have a
thinking problem". So true.
Today's Monday, I just got home after a long weekend out of town. I noticed there was a baseball game on the television - somewhat unusual for a Monday at 11:30am. But I was particularly interested in this game for some reason. And then it hit me: I was thinking, somewhere deep down, that today would be a
great day to be a drinker.
You see, before I'd gotten clean, I'd quit my job and become a full-time alcoholic. I had plenty of money for that brief while as well because I drained my 401K and converted it to straight cash. I'd often drink during the day, and it would always perk me up to see a sporting event on television during weekdays, because that meant I could also gamble money on the game.
Drinking vodka, watching a game on my big screen, and throwing down $200 bucks on the Blue Jays on a Monday morning? To normal folks that sounds pretty sad. But for this alcoholic, that was HEAVEN. No friends were going to call me for a get together on a Monday morning, nor would anyone even suspect I was up to this behavior. I could give my addiction my undivided attention and feed it from every angle. It was, simply put,
perfection.
And my brain still thinks that way. Which is probably why my ears perked up when I noticed a ball game on this morning. Which is yet another reason, as Craig Ferguson mentions in that video, why we need to be CONSTANTLY VIGILANT about our condition. It doesn't matter if you're sober 1 month, 1 year, or 10 years, this kind of thinking problem is hard-wired in our brains. We must remember to continue to work on our condition every day, and never forget how easy it is to go back to that dark place.
For the record, here's the video, for those who haven't seen it:
Craig Ferguson Talks About Life As A Recovering Alcoholic - YouTube