dancingnow, if it isn't working--it isn't working. I can "hear" the misery in your post. You don't have to live in misery if you don't want to! You matter just as much as anyone else does. If you are done--you are done.
My concern for you is to seek legal counsel ASAP. You need to know what your rights are---don't listen to his "threats". If he is hostile and, maybe narcissistic, you especially need to know what the real legalities are.
I am so glad that you are already involved in alanon. No doubt, your self-confidence has taken a few hits---but, you will be surprised how you will be able to rise to the challenges. You sound like an intelligent woman--of course, you will get a job!!!
You have us, here at SR--we will walk with you. Gather your support team about you--esp. an attorney--. Lean on the experience of the others who have walked this path before you.
You are going to work your way through this. You will be o.k. It won't be l ike this forever!
dandylion