Evening Rose...we have a lot in common. I can't always pinpoint the exact details...as my AM (who probably started out as a teetotaller and still believed it about herself many years after she was drinking the wine in the plastic Sprite bottle...and probably does now) always talked to me about anybody and everybody I loved...and she always told me the ugly side of them...their family dirty laundry...etc. I ended up doing genealogy as a way to 'flush' the gossip and negative out of my system...and have done it for many years. My sister went from telling me she 'loved me more than breath itself' (I coined that...and did love her at that time like that) to telling me that I am selfish and narcissistic and I realized that she is projecting. Sis and mom spent 45 years of my life speaking poorly of each other to me. My only regret is that I listened and even that...is not so much a regret...because I realize that that was my role in the family...dumpster for their negative garbage. The last thing my AM said before I went NC in february was that she was so disappointed in me...I had hit bottom financially and self esteem wise...today I have another well paying job, am moving forward as I do after hitting bottom, and I realize that I simply never had any power over either of them or their negative attitudes. Somedays I try to figure out how to 'be friends again', but that is not possible...because with both (with me not understanding) it was always when THEY needed ME...and I was so happy with just that little bit...that I GAVE myself out. There is a verse in the bible...the 'truth' will set you free...the truth is painful when heard or seen...but it does set one free or give one the opportunity to make better choices going forward.
God bless.