I suppose I was expecting a lot more that this. It doesn't resemble anything of our relationship before the chaos ensued. There is no warmth, no friendship, no intimacy. It seems it's only what my RAH describes as companionship, which to me is more like just living separate lives under the same roof. He is not much of a communicator to begin with but it seems like he is barely trying to interact with me and if I share anything that has any more emotion, positive or negative, other than "it's a nice day outside" it either gets not much of a response or a defensive reaction.
In order to stop breaking my own heart, I had to give up expectations entirely. It certainly has changed my relationships for the better. About your marriage, nothing can restore it to what it once was, none of us can go backward. I think you must see the relationship as it is and either take it or leave it. Wish I had some magical advice on creating wonderful relationships but I don't. Sometimes it's simply too late, too much damage has been done, for two people to remain together.
As you're seeing in Alanon, it's all about accepting and this is a very big challenge. When I really "got it" that the other person wasn't going to change and that there was nothing I could say or do, I left. I had no other choice.
Whatever you decide to do we'll all support you here. A very big hug!