dancingnow

Here I am a few years on SR learned so much from everyone, saw all different paths taken and shared my own.

RAH a year into sobriety with maybe some slips, working on his recovery in AA, me going intermittingly to alanon, both of us going to marital counseling for 5 months now.

So I was thinking our relationship would be better and in a lot of ways the day to day dynamics is better but our relationship s*cks.

Last week went on a road trip with my 12 yr old son to visit my dad. We had a great time, stopping and sightseeing. I stretched what was originally going to be a 3 day trip to 6 days by making it a road trip, therefore RAH opted out as he said he had to finish up some work that was pending. It wasn't clear he was going to come in the first place but the 6 day timeframe cemented his complaining and basically became a no he couldn't come.

While I was away I realized there was nothing about being with RAH that I missed. Basically we are existing in the same house together and our main communication consists of him asking me what's for dinner. This is a bit of an exaggeration but not far off.

I suppose I was expecting a lot more that this. It doesn't resemble anything of our relationship before the chaos ensued. There is no warmth, no friendship, no intimacy. It seems it's only what my RAH describes as companionship, which to me is more like just living separate lives under the same roof. He is not much of a communicator to begin with but it seems like he is barely trying to interact with me and if I share anything that has any more emotion, positive or negative, other than "it's a nice day outside" it either gets not much of a response or a defensive reaction.

I haven't had many relationships in my life, been with RAH since my early 20's for over 25 years now but I find myself often wondering that this cannot be what I stayed married for and what I want to have for my old age, especially after my kids are grown and out of the house. I do bring this up to RAH and he says he has been making progress with his recovery. Well that is all well and good but I don't see it doing anything for our relationship and if I press on anything, time together, taking care of important matters, planning for our future, intimacy he just doesn't seem to be fully there or angry. Could it be all the years of alcohol abuse?

I am so grateful for him not drinking and I try to focus on that.

Not asking anything really as I know this is my own decision of where I am at. Just needed to get this out here and see where it might lead me.

Thanks.