I used to wake up after a bender with that sick feeling not quite remembering what happened. I'd get up, check to see if I still had my wallet, make sure the car had no dents, and then I'd try to reconstruct the night. All the while I'd have that sick feeling deep down in my soul. Soul hangovers. I also used to say "At least nothing bad happened". But I knew I was living on borrowed time and it was just a matter of time before my luck ran out.
I'm very happy that you're seeking assistance in getting sober. As you've stated you realize that alcohol is not a joke. Keep posting to let us know how you're doing. You can do this!