Thanks Ann and KE!
That means a lot and it is so good to be back here. I almost forgot about it for a little while as I got wrapped up in my own world.
I heard by the way recently, that the official mental health diagnosis is going to be changed from "addiction" to "substance abuse"- mild, moderate, and severe. Interesting I thought, and might make a good discussion point.
I do feel that time will heal but I also think the wounds from being in an addictive relationship are far more deep and penetrating than that of other relationships without addiction.
I find myself having lingering feelings for him and I am not sure what it is about. I don't know if I will know. I guess the only way to know is time and space. There is more to the healing process than time and distance though.
I wish my heart was not closed but I find myself more and more distant from the idea of relationships in general besides friendships. I really feel for those still deep in the midst of the turmoil with active addiction. I am a few steps removed but I feel the "after-shocks" every day.
Being okay with my decision to take a step back and end the relationship was huge. I still don't know if I will stick with it but when I think about what I have put up with, I cannot imagine why I would go back ever. One could psycho-analyze it to death but it does not help.
The only thing that has helped is faith- nothing else really.