need to get it out and your prayers
Got back on track with my A against some advice here. but I was truly looking at her differently than before. we talked a little when she was locked up. she got out, was rude to me and then I left. we didn't talk for weeks and I had no plan to talk.
THEN she goes into the hospital with endocarditis and infection. could kill her. surgery coming. I couldn't say no to being with her. we didn't talk about the fight at all. just spent some time...
THEN she walks out of the hospital after 5 days against their advice. that was yesterday. I found out when I got home from work last nite.
I called and mostly texted lots of people who could see her. they aren't reliable people, but word was spread and, at the least, they don't want a dead body to ruin their dope-related activities. a different girl died from the same thing a month ago.
ugh.... I have to be done with her again. my codependency is starting to interfere with me again andi gotta get a grip even now. she cant escalate it again without actually dying.
I feel numb now anyways. and I tried to save her life last nite. couldn't do anything else. I hope she saves her own life and gets back to the hospital.