Today is the last day...
Today is the last day that I have to tolerate ABF's aggressive driving, road rage, insults shouted at passers by or complaints that I'm no fun for turning the radio down so I can hear the road.
Today is the last day I have to try to ignore ABF's rants, pretending that what he says is not highly offensive and hurtful so that he doesn't feel any victory from his vitriol.
Today is the last day that I have to be in close proximity to his negative energy, which somehow always pollutes mine however bright and positive I'm trying to feel.
Today is the last day that I have to wonder what I am coming home to or to fruitlessly hope that somehow today I'll get a morsel of the love I crave from him.
Today is the last day that I will be ordered about, guilted into taking care of his responsibilities for him or berated for standing my ground.
Today is the last day I will have to share my car, my cats, my home and my life with ABF.
Today I am apprehensive, excited, sacred, worried, conflicted, sure, hopeful, fearful and numb.
Tomorrow he leaves the country for ten days and my cats and I can safely leave my lovely 3 bedroom home with a nice garden taking my personal belongings, but having to leave everything else, including all the dreams I had for our relationship, to move into a box room in a shared house with strangers.
Tomorrow is the start of my freedom, full of hope an possibilities. Reading and posting here, along with AlAnon, counselling and the support of my friends and family have gradually and gently lead me here. Thank you is not enough to express my gratitude.
Today I am ready.