I have a friend who use to use, a few times we used together. In fact, he is the only person I ever used with who is still alive and/or not in prison. (one out of 38). I no longer "hang out" with him, but we keep in touch thru facebook. When I discovered he was clean and in fact now a christian, I was overjoyed.
I know that I cannot rely on others to keep me clean, but knowing how much he changed was hopeful and encouraging. I felt so proud of him.
Then, after 7 years of sobriety, he relapsed and it scared the hell out of me. I know it wasn't my right to do so, but it hit me like a personal attack. I had to place my recovery shield about me because my sobriety felt endangered. I became so very angry with him. I wanted to say all the right things, but the right words could not be found.
I know this sounds silly, but I actually felt traumatized by his relapse. I felt scared, vulnerable and sad. I find it hard to communicate with him now- even through facebook. I guess what I'm really afraid of is getting sucked into that black relapse hole. I just feel sad... almost defeated.
