Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) | What...Me Sober?
Good morning!
Thanks to all who stopped by to read my new journal. I appreciate and respect your presence here.
Day 1
Today is day one on my taper program. I am coming down from 7- 5mg hydro's a day. I know that may not sound like much to others but it's a real problem for me. Today I begin my taper at 6 hydro's a day and the plan is to reduce my dosage by 1/2 a tablet every three days. So three days at a dosage of 6 then three days at a dosage of 5 1/2 etc and so on.
I have spent the past 8-12 weeks trying to taper and have been unsuccessful. I have done this kind of taper in the past and have been quite successful at it so I've had to question why I've been unable to get on a taper and stay there this time. I'm an introspective woman so I pay close attention to what's going on both in my life, my mind and my body. I want to learn what makes me tick, what works, what doesn't and why.
In February of this year I did a very successful 28 day taper from the same dosage that I'm coming down from now, so when I began making an attempt at a taper 8-12 weeks ago and I was not able to do it, I began to observe what was different in my life now than earlier that was preventing me from being able to get back on track.
First off I want to say that in all the times I’ve tapered successfully before, the thing that always, always brings me back to the hydros is PAWS. I didn’t realize that before now so hopefully I can move forward with a better plan this time. As long as the moderators will continue to allow me to post the PAWS link in my daily postings I will, because I feel this knowledge is key to staying on track. It helps me to understand what is going on inside of me that keeps bringing me back to addiction. With that knowledge, I hope to have better success with staying off the hydros this time.
Now, back to these 8-12 weeks of trying and failing to stay on track with a new taper program. In all past taper attempts I have been afforded the luxury of being sedentary. Staying at home, taking care of myself, minimal activity, rest and sleep when I need to, healthy dietary changes, and journaling my butt off. The taper I did in February was practically painless and I believe it was because of the things I mention above. However, PAW got me and in the end I failed, so hope to keep a close eye on that this time around.
These most recent weeks of taper attempts failed, I believe, because I’m in the midst of some things in my personal life that are requiring a lot of physical activity. I have had to push forward in an intense way and down regulating the hydros has been unsuccessful for this reason. At lower dosages my pain returns with a vengeance and the lethargy sets in so bad that I cannot function well. I become impatient and frustrated easily. It makes me feel like I’m going mad. And yet I have tried repeatedly for the past several months to do a taper anyhow. It only recently dawned on me why I was unable to do it this time. I thought that as long as I took the taper slow I would be fine even if I was active, but being active was the key thing that was standing in my way. So……I’ve made the decision to take some time off from my life to do this new taper. Again, I am afforded the luxury to be able to do this. Thanks goodness.
As always, I will stay closely in tune with what my body is telling me. I will adjust my down regulation dosages according to how my body feels even tho I have a pre-arranged down regulation schedule I plan to follow. If I feel I can move more quickly thru the taper, I will and if I feel I need a few extra days at a higher dosage before down regulating, I will. This is what worked for me last time. Dietary changes also played a large part in the success of my last taper and if you read the link about PAWS that I included at the top of this post you will see that dietary changes are necessary and why.
I am 55 yrs old and addiction has been a part of my life in one form or another for as long as I can remember. I come from a troubled family of origin and I have spent years working thru the issues that affected me regarding them. I am a very sensitive individual and things that others can blow off easily stick to me like Velcro. I am ruled by my emotions and recognize this as one of the things that effects whether I use or not, but I also recognize that the PAWS transition that my body goes thru plays a large part as well. I have been dished out more truly serious challenges in life than most, but I work hard in overcoming them and learning from them. I am weak sometimes and I am strong at other times.
Thank you for reading. I hope that in my sharing someone else will see their journey in mine, that someone else will connect their journey and the success or lack of success of it with the things I write about. Blessings to all of you today and good luck.