It's validation and affirmation, Liz. I get it, I have needed the same things.
Validation--if the people that raised you, or your husband, don't give you validation of your feelings, then who do you turn to to get it?
At some point you have to validate yourself.
This is so that you don't wake up one day when you're 90, all gray with arthritic fingers, staring out the window with your morning cup of coffee, and your husband suddenly validates all your feelings.
What a rush! How wonderful!
The next morning you're looking out the same window, and wondering was it worth it that you waited 50 years for one person to validate you, who finally did. You spent your entire life waiting for ONE person to validate you. It's no way to sum up a life.
You can't spend your precious time on this earth waiting for somebody to validate you. It's simply not worth it.
Affirmation--whether your husband is a good guy, or a bad guy. You need a conclusive determination.
How do you go about that?
I get it's a big bad world out there. But...you don't make a deal with the big bad wolf and live with him because he protects you from the big bad world by paying the bills.
So is he the big bad wolf or not?
Test him Liz.
See if he will work with you on validating each other's feelings NOW, (not 50 years from now) or not.
Test him over and over again.
A marriage is not a partnership if one party constantly obstructs, sabotages, manipulates, intimidates, whatever bad thing.
So test him and find out and make a decisive conclusion Liz, before you're 90.