LoosingMyMind, we all reach our decisions in our own time and as best we can. For me, it was a long struggle and I relate to what you posted. I can tell you EVERYONE thought my STBXAH is fantastic and just the best guy around and for some reason that made it even harder for me because I kept wondering what was wrong with me that he didn't show me that side. I know you said you've been with him 21 years but maybe you should ask yourself how your life would look in 5 years if you stayed?