[QUOTE=POAndrea;4097974]
Originally Posted by
BlueSkies1 
Liz,reading the books, or using the words of the pastor, are something that people do to help themselves, and validate their thinking. It is not something people do in order to keep up with the ways in which to manipulate their spouse
This is a pretty important point that BlueSkies made. Often correctional agencies do not offer psychopaths or sociopaths certain types of therapies for this reason. If we give manipulative people congnitive-behavioral services or domestic violence classes, we just give them new, sophisticated tools to use to control or terrorize their victims. For the average person, helping him develop greater empathy usually improves his relationship with others, but the sociopath uses the insight to better manipulate and victimize.
Well, that's a very scary prospect. I never thought of it that way. I guess I was just happy that he would ask about the books and that he was interested in reading them. I assumed(yes, probably not a good idea) that he would read the books to improve himself or our relationship and to gain insight into himself because that's how he made it sound to me. I have a lot to learn.
And, BlueSkies had a great point: Yes, I totally believe we got together as very dysfunctional people who met each other's needs in a very sick way. I needed validation that I never got at home. I mean, my parents didn't even come to my college graduation and they paid for the tuition! I was so not phased by finishing 4 years of college that I just didn't bother going to graduation(no one made a stink about it anyway) and I had them ship me my diploma a few months later. There were no congratulatory words, no cards in the mail, no presence from anybody in my family and I was only at school 3 hours from home. There is so much more, but yes I do believe that I turned to my AH for something that was missing in my life and I, obviously, filled some needs that he had from growing up in a physically abusive alcoholic home(both his parents were alcoholics).