EGADS...this sounds like a spot on detailed replica of my own story!
seriously...the age...the years addicted...
wow...
freaky.
I can say from experience that the money holding did not work in our relationship.
while I spoke with other recovering addicts and they did say that sometimes the money holder can be a helpful member of the support community in recovery...having the money holder be the romantic partner does NOT fare so well.
as the person struggles in their attempts at recovery...the addict within begins to resent the person who is any sort of "block" between them and the substance they crave.
I experienced angry outbursts...lies...attempted manipulation...accusations...sneers...slams against my character...etc etc.
ultimately...while an active or trying to recover addict might benefit by having harder access to their funds...they can ALWAYS find a way to score if they want to.
what my sponsor, therapist, family and friends kept reminding me...even against all of my codependent denial and stubbornness (insisting that I could be the best one to "help") was that the role of a money handler is not the role of a girlfriend/wife/romantic partner. In fact because there were intense emotions involved it was sure to be a bad mix. If he feels he really needs this option why doesn't he find some objective no BS 3rd party like a sponsor or sober coach? of course he will come up with many reasons why that would be "too difficult"
those who are really serious about staying away from crack are going to do whatever it takes instead of subjecting others to the exercise in futility of taking the easier path...like subjecting their romantic partner into the humiliation of being a ledger keeper...
that became a name calling ridicule by my ex...I became a F'ING ledger keeper
god forbid I question any of his silly ridiculous excuses for needing some cash...
my experience says hand off that duty to someone better suited.
and for what it's worth I wouldn't hesitate to say hand off the duty of romantic partner to someone else too...free yourself from the BS of long-term crack addiction
the tentacles, the roots of that particular addiction, after this many years, are in way way way deep...and they spread to all who are in the area
it's taken me a year and a half to finally get over my two year relationship with my ex
silver tongue devil
his true spirit is tangled deep inside the roots of an old growth addiction
trickster energy...beauty flashing...hide and seek...jekyll and hyde
I had to get away.