Hi Lexie - i just read ur post - I'm hurrying to go out to an open AA meeting with an alanon friend but something u said in ur post about envy has happened already!
cr995,
would you be able to have an alanon friend and go to an open meeting with them
if you were still with your ex?
that is the freedom.
I am sorry you think someone would lie to you about envying your freedom.
It must have been very very bad for you.
I did not trust what people said to me either.
Especially nice things, like they envied me in any way!
I would think they are crazy.
I have found that people (in general) do not lie about things like this.
It was just what I had gotten used to!
It is not reality, just what I had fixed in my mind.
I hope you start to realize
you are free any time you want to be.
I had to learn not to
dismiss nice things people said,
and just say "thank you".
Admittedly, it was tough going, I had a depressive disorder, and thinking
new happy thoughts was against "my nature".
I put this in quotes, because that is what I told myself.
I deserve no compliments, I deserve no happiness, life is a shoulder to the grindstone,
daily miserable torture session.
It took some meds and sobriety to get to the truth.
The truth is, I am choosing my life, just as in the past I chose to drink to mask
the pain of daily living.
Life free of someone who does not like me or respect me (including me!)
has been an epiphany.
and it is soooo true for me.....
I would rather be alone than wish I was.
Alone is freedom. Lonely is a choice.
Freedom is life affirming.
Freedom is choice.
Beth