I'm not afraid to feel the feelings anymore- so long as I know it will eventually get better. My fear and it is fear is that I ll be hurting forever with no friends, no activities and just endless days stretching out in front of me while everybody else is having fun.
I don't want to live pretend happy - I tried that - went out for dinner etc with guys and I felt WORSE sitting there than anything ever. That is one tiny thing I am glad for that I refuse to do that anymore. But I am still left with just me and right now I'm not good company for myself.