Originally Posted by
OnawaMiniya 
Oh my goodness, MQ!!! It breaks my heart to hear you being so harsh on yourself like that! It's good to realize and deal with things that make us susceptible to bring hurt - like a desire to be loved at any cost - but you are being cruel to yourself thinking in such harsh and unforgiving terms and words! Please don't call yourself an "unattractive idiot/damned fool". Big hugs to you honey... You see that you were vulnerable and have learned, it didn't mean you are fundamentally terrible. No one is perfect, we live, we learn! Pay yourself a compliment!
Originally Posted by
DreamsofSerenity MightyQueen,
I agree with Onawa! I don't like to hear you be so hard on yourself either.
These A's totally destroy our self-esteem. Everyone who knew me told me I could do so much better than my exabf and that he didn't deserve me. Then he ends up leaving me for the bottle, and I was left feeling like I couldn't even make a man who didn't deserve me love me!
My point is that you could be the most beautiful, intelligent, accomplished woman in the world, and an A could still make you feel unattractive, unworthy, and unlovable.
Originally Posted by
OnawaMiniya Beautifully put!
OWN that name, MightyQueen!
You guys are so sweet! Got a little sniffly here reading your kind words.
Sometimes old pains raise their heads...I have a birthday coming up soon--will be 55, and that must be dredging up the disappointments in life. My EXAH was my only chance--I never got to have another relationship, and I know I probably was destined never to have any--but I was once so desperate to get married like regular women that I closed my eyes to what I was getting into. I do tend to beat myself up sometimes for being a fool.
On the plus side, I do try to count my blessings, and I have a wonderful, now-grown daughter who managed to become a strong person despite the alkie dad and codie mom (I had her in therapy by the time she was 15, lol!) I'll always have that sadness about not being loved in a relationship sense, but I do have some things to be grateful for--good health, a decent job, and I have to remember to concentrate on the positives.
Thanks.