After posting and reading this thread twice today it occured to me that male identity wasn't such a huge issue I planned it to be...
Acceptance came fairly easy....a few other issues cropped up but not core issues...
Certainly AexW was at fault for many things within the marriage....but with our marriage and really all of my relationships I liked what they liked...my likes constantly changing with each new person...common with many co-dependents being a chameleon....and most of the time knowingly doing this
thanks all I did look at the man in the mirror.
Unrelated but, I also laughed at, not sure who said this, but, "I saw a man walking on water and thought, "poor guy can't swim."