Originally Posted by
Mightyqueen801 
I think that his alcoholic mind saw the naive, unattractive idiot that I was... I am still deeply ashamed after all these years that I was such a damned fool.
Oh my goodness, MQ!!! It breaks my heart to hear you being so harsh on yourself like that! It's good to realize and deal with things that make us susceptible to bring hurt - like a desire to be loved at any cost - but you are being cruel to yourself thinking in such harsh and unforgiving terms and words! Please don't call yourself an "unattractive idiot/damned fool". Big hugs to you honey... You see that you were vulnerable and have learned, it didn't mean you are fundamentally terrible. No one is perfect, we live, we learn! Pay yourself a compliment!