Originally Posted by
pacificsunrise 
...not to mention all the time I spend researching addiction, addicts behaviors, etc., etc. all that time could have been spend doing things to directly benefit me, instead of focusing on his problem.
I completely relate to this – only recently have I developed an aversion to sites that I used to frequent daily, such as thefix.com, in order to learn as much as I could about my ex-partner's illness.
Although I believe that a certain amount of knowledge about addiction is necessary when one has a relationship with someone who is addicted to substances, there's a point where it becomes a type of fantasizing ("What if THIS happens?" or, "How can I use this information to help (read: control) my partner?", etc.) It's demonstrative of ongoing control issues – at least in my case it is. Beyond what I already know about substance addiction, there's really nothing more that I need to know, no more time I need to invest (if I ever really "needed" to invest ANY time). He's the one who needs to research, communicate, seek help for his illness –*any more energy expended by me for HIS recovery is energy that I waste, and keeps me imprisoned by obsessive thinking.