why can't I just hate him?!!!
why after being separated for over 2 yrs from AH do I even care about his well being? after being manipulated, lied to, etc. etc, and all this is putting it mildly. after him not even acknowledging that he has a problem; calling it a phase that he went through, but still not being able to take a drug test; after using his own daughter's emotions in arguments (she was only 5 or younger); after being behind in child support and not really caring about it at all (other than being concerned about being locked up); after not paying mortgage and losing our home; after seeing him with another woman by chance; after so many other things - WHY do I still care about him?!!!
why do I hope that he will find recovery? why do I hope that he will get out of his denial and seek help? why do I still even care?
sorry, this looks like a rant. but it does puzzle me. it would be so much easier if I could just hate him and not care and go on about my life. not to mention all the time I spend researching addiction, addicts behaviors, etc., etc. all that time could have been spend doing things to directly benefit me, instead of focusing on his problem.
anyways, just wondering if anyone has similar feelings. any and all input is appreciated.
thank you all for all the support. hugs and hope.