Hi
Hi.
My names Chris, that isn't my real name because I'm too scared to share it online even anonymously. I hope I can describe my story without judgement. It will take a while.
Ok so I was a moderate drinker until 5 years ago. In 3 months my dad died from a heart attack, my girlfriend left me, my mom tried to kill herself and I broke both my legs. It was a bad time so I started drinking, I mean ok at the start it was a bit, then it was a lot, now it's a lot every day. I'm drinking like stupid amounts, for the past 4 years I can't remember a sober day.
I went to AA but that did not seem right, I can't deal with the higher power ****, I'm an atheist, there is no higher power. I tried a secular group but man it was just sad you know? They sit around saying the same horrible stuff and I can't deal with it. After 1 episode I found myself wanting to give up. I went back, I mean maybe I didn't get it you know? Well after the second episode I wanted to ******* die. Support groups are not my thing.
So I'm here online, I think this suits me better you know because you guys understand but it's anonymous. I know I have a problem. I'm drunk now but I so want to stop. I've tried, I've tried and tried and I'm struggling. **** I just want to stop. I know there are no easy ways to this, I just need some support.
I am hiding this from my family. They are so great you know but well they are judgmental, alcoholics and drugs addicts are seen as scum, pathetic etc. They are such strong Christians I can't get support there. I find it stupid really they talk about helping others but drug/alcohol addicts are seen as unworthy. They still think I'm Christian and I can't tell them the truth because they will disown me. They hate atheists and I don't ahve much family left.
I can't admit this to my doctor because despite his oath he talks to my family about all sorts of ****. Last time I had kidneys stones my mother found out from the doctor, I mean wtf but that's how it is. When I broke a toe my brother found out before I told anyone! Family doctor I mean seriously he has no privacy.
So I just want some support here please. Any help, any guides, I want to listen. I can't submit to everything but I have to stop. The last year I've drunk so much I don't know how I'm alive. If I don't stop, I'm dead, my liver can't handle it much longer. I need help, please help me.
I'm having to bounce my connection through the internet because I'm so scared they will find out.