I recently filed for divorce from my AH and can understand how you feel. I also thought we were going to have a future and a family, but the drugs destroyed that. I've had to mourn our relationship and our future because it's gone. I finally had to accept things the WAY THEY WERE and not how I wanted them to be. Otherwise I wouldn't be living in reality. I needed to be honest about my life and I realized it was not the life I wanted to live.
Was it easy? Hell no. But I have peace in my heart and peace in my home. Now I look back and see how messed up my life was and all the things I put up with trying to save my marriage. It's hard to see when you're right in the middle of it, but I think once you have some distance from him and the situation you'll be able to see things more clearly.
Hugs