Oh Sweetie I feel for you--went through similar and sometimes financial or other reasons force us to stay and even when the pain is so great we know we must leave we can't because we are afraid of the unknown. I sat one night and listed goals for myself for the next five years and realized if I did not get out of the relationship they were never going to happen. Perhaps all the NO's you are getting is because you are beaten down and self-esteem is evading you. Try to keep as little of contact right now with your A and work on yourself & bring back that confidence that I'm sure is there--I am still in that process but am by myself now. It is not easy & it is a journey and will take some time. Hang in there-I am thinking of you.