Oh Sistena, my heart goes out to you.
Isn't it crazy how we hang on and on to the "good him" and the fun and excitement from the beginning, so much that we can't believe we can't go back to that? I know I sabotage myself with that belief.
Sometimes we just haven't gotten sick enough of the pain yet.
And, of COURSE you're scared of leaving--anyone would be!
There are ways...you CAN find a way. Just starts with one step.
Finding this community here is itself a step in the right direction!