For those having trouble detaching
I just had a thought pop into my head after being met yet again with silence and not so much as even a look in my direction (essentially being ignored, though when I say that he always says,"I'm listening!" Mmm hmm. Riiiiiiiiight.) when I try to say something about, you know, just life's difficulties, things that are happening in our lives that are being dealt with. You know, like a normal couple might have a chat about things, offer support, etc.
My thought was this:
My AH certainly doesn't have a problem detaching, does he? WHY SHOULD I?
It was his reactions to me talking about actual important things plus some of my reaction to him tonight where I did not offer the usual things (for example, he said he hopes I sleep well when he went to bed, which actually surprised me since I don't get too many genuine well wishes from him. I just said "thanks" rather than "thanks, you too" because I thought, when I ask you how your day was you answer without asking back. When I ask how you are doing you answer without asking back. Etc. Just a lack of common courtesy, because he doesn't care how my day was or how I'm doing. It's all about him).
I found that thought so mind opening and empowering I wanted to share it for those of us who have trouble detaching. I know for me I'm getting better because 1.) I'm learning more; 2.) I'm practicing and getting better at it; and 3.) Sadly, it's also getting easier because I don't care as much anymore, I've had enough of being hurt and then being the one to approach him to smooth it over because I HATE living in tension (a band aid not a solution I know. The band aid keeps ripping my skin off though and I'm inclined to just let the wound air out and dry up).
So next time remember:
THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM DETACHING. WHY SHOULD YOU?