Honeypig, great idea! I'm in LA and we have a big system. Don't know I'd we connect to others though. Will see!!
BlueSkies, those are all excellent questions! I really like your approach. I've worked with both of them a couple years, and closely, and I know many of the answers from our conversations. The trick in both cases is that their underlying concerns are very real, legitimate problems that are structural with our organization for the most part. It isn't what their concerns are that is the problem, it's the method they're using to communicate. One storms around and gripes at others, usually for legit reasons but with bad execution, on days I'm out at meetings. I've addressed it with her but it continues, and in realizing its cause I've been half-assed about it because of her feelings. (Bad manager!). In the 2nd case, she's mad cause my bosses haven't hired someone to work with her when they said they would, and she's right that they haven't and that that puts strain on her. But her complaints come out EVERY possible moment with the most extreme version of upset, which chills a room with her negativity. I have also addresses this with her, but I realize not well enough.
I think in both cases, my sympathy for the truth in their underlying concerns has softened my response to the part of their behavior that isn't ok. They're both RIGHT and struggling, but that is not the only governing factor.
Not unlike my "helping" tendencies with my exABF. For some time I focused so heavily on the care taking and didn't expect better towards me and set boundaries that made clear what was and wasn't acceptable to me. I'm realizing how eerily similar this is.