Without reading the responses of others who have written before me, I want to respond with empathy towards your feelings of guilt. I also have a substantial amount of guilt, not only if I am participating in an activity that brings me joy, but even if I speak out loud about my AH's addiction (yes, I'm being serious), I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
My thought process is this: "I feel so bad that I am able to experience joy because I was not born with this affliction. I can't stand to talk about my husband in any kind of manner that would make other people think less of him, even if it is just me seeking consolation for the emotional trauma I have endured for almost three years now. I really want to talk about this, but I don't want to go into too much detail so that I don't talk about him behind his back. I would make plans to leave, but that would be dishonest and by premeditating a way out, that isn't good communication. Etc., etc., etc.
I think that the guilt comes into play because of the subtle way that we compromise our opinions and who we are over time. So, when we feel the emotions that we have been lacking for so long, like joy, hope, peace, and unconditional love, we tend to think something is wrong because these are not "normal" emotions for us anymore. We become immune to our unhappiness and accept it as a normal emotion, so guilt settles in when we begin to break away from that which is causing this (now daily) existence.
We actually have to make ourselves uncomfortable to become comfortable with positive emotions before we accept those positive feelings as a way of life. For instance, before we became involved with our addicts, we may have had different boundaries. These boundaries, when crossed, could have set off red flags as we thought "I don't like that. I'm not going to tolerate that behavior and abuse." As our compassion grows for the addict and we live for the addict because of this compassion, we begin to feel the unhappiness and imbalance that the addict feels. As we break away from this, guilt settles in. I believe, once recognizing this and addressing that we have the RIGHT to live joyously, the guilt will dissipate. Maybe not over night, but gradually. At least, that is what I have found in my personal experience thus far.
Love and light,
YG