It feels to me like if I walk out the door, I'm giving up on him. I love him and I'm gonna turn around and leave when he obviously needs someone to make sure that at the end of the day he is safe? That seems wrong to me.
I have looked up al-anon meetings every week for the lat 2 months, but have yet had the courage to go. Not only that but where do I tell ABF where I am going (they are all in the late evening, and I literally never go out, except to work, because of my social anxiety)? I can't tell him that's where I am going, I once told him I went to a mental health facility to get help with an addiction of mine at the time and he laughed at me and told me I was acting stupid, that I didn't need that because my problem wasn't that serious. So I certaintly don't want to tell him that I am going to al-anon, he gets mad enough when he knows I tell my dr. about his drinking, i'm sure he wouldn't want a room full of strangers to know either. So how did you go if you could not tell your SO. I am also a little scared that all that will happen there is people trying to convince me to leave ABF..
I feel like I am a turning point, where I need to either stay and deal with him and his issues, or leave and have my own life... I'm torn because I want both