Ltlys-
I finally got into Al-anon for my husband's drinking when he had an affair.
Al-Anon helped me to learn a lot of about alcoholism and my -isms that fit right in with the disease of alcoholism. I was surprised with how much it helped me with affair recovery also.
Both the drinking and the affair made me feel similar. I felt out of control, crazy, and very emotional. I don't know if the behaviors stem from the same place for my ex, but they had similar affects on me.
Al-Anon was great, but I am really glad I had a therapist in all this. It was someone that I could talk to about items other then clearly alcohol addiction related ones....and sort some of it out. There was a lot of sorting to do for a long time.
I agree with all the other posts. I see a huge underlying message that you need to trust yourself (regardless of what you decide to do). Recovery in general, but especially therapy helped me to do that.
I am sorry you are in such a tough spot.