View Single Post
Old 07-09-2013, 05:42 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
dandylion
Community Greeter
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Niijikwe, you say that you are at the place of focusing on you and your kids. Then, that should clarify the decision some what---shouldn't it.

after all, you can't focus on yourself and kids as much if you are dealing with a drinking or newly recovering alcoholic in the immediate picture--in the house!! For most, the first year of recovery is as bad--and sometimes worse--as the drinking prior.

Alcoholis are sooo good at knowing what to say to keep the status quo. The status quo is for their OWN benefit. One natural consequence of alcoholism (over sobriety) is that you will loose the people close to you, among other things. Experience has shown that the alcoholic has to feel the pain so bad that sobriety looks like the only option. They have to want to be sober.

They may promise not to drink (and mean it at the time), but an alcoholic CANNOT keep their promises on this subject because they CAN"T stop drinking until they have made the commitment to stay sober by doing WHATEVER it takes--one day at a time. An alcoholic can't even make promises to themselves on this matter and keep them! They have to completely surrender that their lives have become unmanageable.

If he wants to get sober bad enough--he will.

Another thing that you have to consider is that you have other people hanging in the balance--your kids! You mentioned that he has been abusive to you. I don't care how young they are--this atmosphere affects them. They are always more aware that the adults assume that they are--always. This effects them more than it effects you--because they are still developing. Thankfully you are not married to him and these are not his natural children---that makes these kinds of decisions much more he**ish.

I am writing all of this to give you some things, which I think are important, to think about. I hope it helps.

dandylion
dandylion is offline