My goal was not to be angry, but I found it to be really healing.
It got me moving. It got me out of myself. It got me FINALLY not taking on the world and finding myself the only thing falling short in it.
Anger is a part of the grief cycle (which helped normalize it for me). I found I experienced the grief cycle when I was dealing with an actual death, but also when I was dealing with the loss of a relationship due to alcohol use. Finally as I have gotten healthier I grieved the loss of what I "thought" I was supposed to be in the world a lot of my nieve thought processes that stemmed from my childhood. I had a lot of anger at myself and those around me that I though self-care was for other people....and anger helped me to see how wrong that thought was.
Again not saying that is the final goal but I think anger is a pretty normal feeling right now to what you are both experiencing.
I suspect both of you probably have spent a long time trying to not feel the anger....and has that been long-term helpful?